Today I feel quite irritable. I am wanting to do things to bide the time but am feeling so unmotivated. It's hard being down at my Dad's house because catching up with friends is something that needs to be planned in advance. I'm more of a spontaneous person who likes to live for the moment and roll with whatever comes. My past still lingers in my mind. I'm finding that I have a lot of anger towards the people who have hurt me in the past. This anger is manifesting inside of me and is irritating me because I wish I could just forget the past. I feel hatred and I don't like feeling that way. I feel frustrated as I don't want to have to ever think about certain people, it makes me feel back to square one. I hate it how certain people have moulded me into the person I am today and I feel its unfair that they go along in their merry little lives while I am struggling and working so hard to remain alive. I'm hoping to God that I get into uni because I really need things to distract me. That in itself is frustrating, I wish that I could just be content doing nothing, well I would be if it didn't mean that my mind would instantly drift into it's dark side. I am sick of fighting my depression, I wish that I just didn't have depression, I wish that I would just get sad at the sad things in life and that I could be genuinely happy the rest of the time. I'm sick of feeling unsafe when I am by myself.
That's my rant for the day.
Phew.
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