With the start of my new job in the city, I have been catching the train to and from work in order to save money on parking/ petrol and also to save the stress of being in peak hour traffic early in the morning or in the late afternoon when you are just wanting to get home.
The more I have been catching the train the more I have realised that there seems to be some unspoken rules of train etiquette.
These rules aren't enforced by law or any form of authority just enforced by the stares from the other passengers on the train as the visually tear you to pieces for breaking The Unspoken Rules of Train Etiquette.
Offenders often seem to be ignorantly unaware of the proper ways to act correctly on a train.
Jumping ahead a few steps; these rules seem to come into full effect at times of peak hour train usage, which means that during peak hour there is no tolerance to breaking any of The Unspoken Rules of Train Etiquette; where a on a train trip in the middle of the day where there aren't as many passengers the rules are relaxed to some degree.
This is probably due to the fact that the other passengers are more relaxed and lenient as they aren't on their way to work or coming home from a stressful day trying to stay afloat in the corporate sea.
I'm going to do the unthinkable and speak of The Unspoken Rules of Train Etiquette.
Rule #1 - Don't have your Mp3 player (aka Ipod) cranked to its full potential so the whole carriage can hear your music. Very rarely would someone enjoy listening to the second hand sound waves of the latest Aria top 40 countdown or Tom Jones greatest hits.
Rule #2 - When travelling with friends try not to talk about how many chicks you banged on the weekend or how you injected heroin into your eyeball to achieve the ultimate high. Nobody cares. Not even your mate.
Rule #3 - Don't stare at people and most definitely don't let them catch you staring at them as that leads to eye contact which is totally inappropriate and unacceptable in such situations. This isn't your Sunday morning walk where you say hello to every person you pass. This is train life, so keep your stares focused on something other than neighbouring passengers.
Rule #4 - Mobile phone usage is similar to Rule #2 in that having a conversation on the phone in a cramped environment such as a train carriage is just out of order. People don't want to hear anything you have to say and don't want to be obliged to listen to your voice as that is the loudest noise echoing through the carriage.
Rule#5 - Laughing or showing any signs of happiness in peak hour train rides is also condemned as it reminds people around you how unhappy they working for 'The Man'.
Rule#6 - When travelling through a tunnel be sure that no one catches you looking at your reflection in the window as that can be highly embarrassing and can also lead to the dreaded eye contact situation.
Rule#7 - In the event of any disorderly passengers causing a scene in your carriage make sure you do not acknowledge the situation and focus very hard on pretending like nothing is happening. Here is an example of something you can think so that no body realises you are interested in the situation arising: 'No there is not a drunk person rolling around on the floor. Everything is calm. This is a beautiful world. I love my job. The person on the floor is not taking their clothes off.' Repeating that over and over in your head will help to keep you anonymous to the situation. Heaven forbid you pay attention to anything going on outside your own world.
By following these rules it will mean that you blend into the crowd and go about your day unnoticed working for your important overzealous corporate company who will inevitably squeeze any creative, individual and original juices from you until your are old and dried up ready for retirement. Oh happy days.
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